memories

Read something this afternoon. didn't like it. thought of it as signs. felt like it was a threat. well, to me it seemed to be like a piece of threat. it kind of reminded me of the past. something that happened last february. or perhaps it was at the end of january. dont really want to recall that moment. dont feel like dragging all the pain back into my present. and now i am sensing that it'll come back.

Probably they think that i don't see anything. i can't see it but i can feel it. and when i can feel it i can absorb the pain. i was hurt back then, and even now when nothing physically has injured me, i can already sense the smell and odour of an invisible wound. hypocrite. i am or you are. Or the two of you are.

What i do know is personal matters don't really have to be publicized. When she is bored of her spouse, doesn't mean she has to communicate that to the world only to get people's sympathy. well i detest her for that; thank god i never know her. and how hypocrite she is.

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no pain no gain :-)

I start my first class at four thirty every friday, so today i decided to leave for work after one. I got a little confused about what i wanted to put on, or actually got blank about what i was able to wear :'(

After trying on one or two tops, my eyes coincidentally looked straight to a navy blue top i hadn't worn in months. in my head, i was like, there's no way im gonna fit that today, i have gained so much. but still i eventually took it out of the closet and started trying it on. you know what? it fit me! well, it didn't really feel as loose as it used to be, but it felt good, and i looked comfortable staring at the image of myself on the mirror. there was that feeling of "gladness" ^^

I cant really tell how many months it had been since the last time i went to work wearing this top. but looking back to what i have been doing these past four weeks, i understood how it could happen.

I have been enjoying my short walk going to work and coming home. Even last night, i took around fifteen to twenty minutes walking! and i was amazed i did it without complaining, I loved the sweat rushing through my neck and back. And I had that sort of achievement.

I also havent had any rice for a week, and am planning to keep on doing it. Carbohydrates suck, for me! Rice makes me fat, rice makes me gain weight, rice doesn't help me look better.

If hubby hadn't asked me to weigh myself a week ago, i wouldn't have had the willingness to do this. and i have been saying this loudly to myself "visualize, dear. Visualize yourself in all those cute outfits. You'll look good. and keep visualizing it until you see that you have lost lots of kilograms." that book has really helped me ;)

tmelania

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PRAYERS

I have always been taught to continuously pray and be grateful. I know and i am not tired of it.

In what I believe, mandatory prayers are done five times a day.

Some people around me always tell me that i am sinful whenever i do something bad, or something God doesn't allow.

Life, didn't feel and look so complicated then.

At the moment, it is getting more and more challenging.

This fear of making mistakes and committing more wrongdoings is also growing wild.

Various sayings, beliefs, opinions and thoughts, viewpoints have started to drag me slightly to a different direction.

But I don't have enough courage to walk farther from the starting line i took a long time ago.

I am still holding on to what has been my guidance all these years. And i am sure i am not going to take another turn.

Though my path has now changed. It is sort of trickery and slippery. I easily find myself become confused of what to do and not to do.

But the thing is sometimes I enjoy not doing what I am supposed to be doing; but nevertheless the fear keeps haunting me. i hate making faults; but i know it's inevitable.

dear The Mightiest, please never leave me :-)

Tmelania

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CROPCIRCLES DAN ALIEN, ADA ATAU TIDAK ADA ?

Salah satu hal yang bikin gw penasaran dan bertanya-tanya tentang dunia dan seluruh isinya serta planet-planet lain disekitarnya adalah keberadaan dan keaslian CROPCIRCLES.

Kalo gw coba mendefinisikan cropcircles itu, hhmmm apa yah? Mereka tuh pola-pola yang indah nan rumit yang tiba-tiba saja terbentuk di ladang gandum atau yang sejenis lainnya seperti itu. Terbentuknya crop circles ini dari hasil meratakan tanaman hasil panen. Dan munculnya pola2 ini biasanya cuma dalam waktu semalam!! Biasanya malem ini belum ada, besok pagi udah ada! Lihatnya harus dari ketinggian, cantiik sekali. Walaupun kadang gw jadi paranoid, karna pasti otak ini langsung menghubungkan pola'' ini sm makhluk'' asing yang hidup di planet lain. Itupun kalau memang mereka nyata adanya.

 Kalo dipikir dengan akal logis, mungkin saja manusia memang bisa, namun kan perlu waktu lama dan tingkat kreatifitas tinggi sepertinya, contohnya sekumpulan orang'' berikut yang mengaku bahwa mereka bisa bikinnya. Cek di sini. 

Namun, yang menurut gw agak aneh adalah kenyataan bahwa setelah para ilmuwan mencoba meneliti pola-pola tersebut, dari pola'' tersebut ada semacam energi radioaktif, lalu batang-batang gandum itu tak ada yang patah tapi hanya bengkok, tanamannya pun tidak rusak karna sepertinya yang membentuknya itu semacam energi.

Sebenernya fenomena ini udah ada sejak tahun 1960an. Saat itu ada seorang petani tebu yang mengatakan dia pernah melihat semacam mesin yang terlihat seperti piring melayang sekitar 30 kaki diatas sebuah rawa lalu terbang. Saat dia mengecek lokasinya, alang-alang di sekitar rawa itu sudah terbentuk menjadi sebuah pola.

Gw bingung juga kalo ditanya apa gw percaya Aliens, soalnya jauh di dalam hati sih ga mau percaya, tapi kalo liat bukti'' kaya ini gimana? Ada orang-orang yang sangat logis yang amat tidak percaya sama hal'' beginian. 

Kebanyakan cropcircles memang adanya di Eropa, paling sering sepertinya di Inggris. Sempat terpikir bahwa sebenernya pola'' itu memang buatan makhluk asing. Memang ada yang makhluk asing yang hidup di luaran sana. Apa mungkin mereka terus mengusahakan untuk berkomunikasi dengan kita? atau mungkin mereka mau bikin kita siap kalau mereka tiba-tiba berkunjung ke bumi dengan bawa banyak rombongan alien lainnya? Hiiiii seerreeem ngebayanginnya juga. Apa mungkin mereka salah satu tanda akan tahun 2012 yang katanya akan jadi hari kiamat? Iihh, musyrik dong gw kalo percaya prediksi orang.Beberapa tahun lalu, ada film yang dibintang Mel Gibson yang temanya tentang ini; judulnya Signs.SImak trailernya deh. 

Waah, panjang deh omongin ini. Kalo memang aliens itu ada kenapa juga selalu dibantah? Bisa jadi biar manusia, terlebih orang'' awam ga panik trus jadi paranoid kali yah. Gw aja, baru segini udah takut dikira gila, xp. Ah sudahlah, gw nggak punya kesimpulan untuk ini, biarlah menjadi hak dan pendapat masing'' pribadi saja. 

tmelania

 

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Early Bird Gets the Worm

Hey you all, it's Sunday and I am so in the mood of surfing the net the whole day. Woke up at 10.30 then had two pieces of toasts with my favorite blueberry jam, which was so yummy. Played a bit with Bella, our cute little puppy, watched a little tv, and got treated a Conello ice cream though I haven't even had my lunch yet! A super great start for a Sunday morning :-)

I felt sorry for waking up very late, because of that I missed my morning prayer. How stupid I was. Honestly speaking, when I have to stay over at my in-laws' house, it seems that I become far from my duties as a Muslim. Oh dear, Astaghfirullah.

Well anyways, i hope everyone is going to have a great day and stay healthy and happy always.

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Lenka - TROUBLE IS A FRIEND -

Trouble he will find you no matter where you go, oh oh

No matter if you're fast, no matter if you're slow, oh oh

The eye of the storm or the cry in the mourn, oh oh

You're fine for a while but you start to lose control

He's there in the dark, he's there in my heart
He waits in the wings, he's gotta play a part
Trouble is a friend, yeah trouble is a friend of mine, oh oh!

Trouble is a friend but trouble is a foe, oh oh
And no matter what I feed him he always seems to grow, oh oh
He sees what I see and he knows what I know, oh oh
So don't forget as you ease on down the road

He's there in the dark, he's there in my heart
He waits in the wings, he's gotta play a part
Trouble is a friend, yeah trouble is a friend of mine, oh oh

So don't be alarmed if he takes you by the arm
I won't let him win, but I'm a sucker for his charm
Trouble is a friend, yeah trouble is a friend of mine, oh oh!


Oh how I hate the way he makes me feel
And how I try to make him leave, I try
Oh oh, I try!

LENKA'S TROUBLE IS A FRIEND







Eversince a friend of mine mentioned about this song, i haven't been able to stop listening to it. i guess i can spend hours playing it over and over again. Geeky perhaps, but I'm not embarrassed even if everybody knows i can hardly click the stop button on youtube when the song is being played!

To me, this song is about everyone. most people have problems in life, no matter how hard they try to avoid them. In my case, one of the problems I have often had is my weight. it's like yoyo weight, once it goes down, it goes up the next day. I didn't use to like being called chubby or being fat itself. it's so annoying when people just look at you straight in the eyes, and say "i think you've gained weight." It is so not fun, especially when that phrase is mentioned when i am in a crowd. so not nice :-(

just a few minutes ago, a girl asked if I was pregnant. i was like, no no I am not. then she, literally said, but you're so fat.

oh dear, i know that and you don't need to emphasize me being fat. let's just be realistic, I'm not overweight or obese. I could be overweight if I didnt stop eating rice , or start eating less carbs. I haven't had any rice for three days, and I wish it'll go on like this for good. reminds me of years ago when I actually didn't eat rice for like a  year and I also joined a gym and I eventually lost seven kilograms, and I looked good. All my clothes fit me very well. That's the best part of being slim :-) 

It's friday (at last), but i cant be too happy because i have got to teach again tomorrow morning, remember "it's a morning class!!" Well what the heck, life still goes on anyways. it's only a two hour class, and the students always come late, so that'll be good. i will still be able to surf through the net while waiting for those latecomers :-)

Happy weekend, enjoy this nice friday. the rain that poured down this morning really has given me that sort of relaxing- i don't wanna work-mood ^^.  yes, Jakarta is dirty, filthy i know. what can you do? you just have to deal with it. Bit it's memorable at least.

tmelania

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Cant you shut your mouth?

Oh dear, I just taught one of the most talkative people in the world; not only does he talk far too much than the others, he also talks a lot about unimportant things. he's so loud; his voice annoys me, makes peace go away, and disturbs people's feelings.

I mean, can't you just shut your mouth for at least five minutes? oh no, I need you to keep your lips sealed for an hour. That'll do good.

What does he eat? does he enjoy swallowing firecrackers every once in a while?

even girls aren't like you. Girls gossip behind. You talk back in front of everyone.

Well to be honest I don't dislike you, but the thing is sometimes you make me want to cover my two ears fully with my bare hands.

That'll be it. I assume it is pretty clear that I am referring to one of the students in class. I have known this kid for years, but too bad I have had to teach him for so many times. Luckily he's a quite intelligent learner, so I am not really up to giving him a bad score the whole time.

by the way, we had a midday meeting today. it was okay, nothing bad or good took place. Well yeah the meeting was interrupted for a good two-three minutes for something unnecessary to be mentioned. It was fine, at least we had pizza afterwards. that kinda filled me up, though I did feel like taking another slice, but I kept saying to myself  "Stop eating it; you wont be able to make this fat vanish." *giggles*

Tmelania

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Kleptomania, Gendut, Banana Bread

Alhamdulillah hari selasanya sudah mulai mudah, gak perlu lagi ngajar karena hari udah mulai malem, tadi masuk kerja jam dua siang, sampai kantor sekitar 11:30 soalnya gw kira akan ada meeting, eehh ternyata gw yang ga update, toh meetingnya hari kamis, kenapa juga gw pake dateng buru-buru sih.

Kelas pertama yang gw ajari tadi itu isinya enam murid usia 5-7 tahunan, tiga anak perempuan, tiga anak lelaki. Ada salah satu murid yang bisa dibilang pinter-lah, hampir semua pertanyaan bisa dia jawab. Gak menyusahkan pula. Nah, sekitar dua puluh menit sebelum kelas usai, gw memang sengaja bikin mereka buat semacam craft yang berhubungan dengan gunting menggunting, tempel menempel. 

Sayangnya waktu agak mepet, jadi semuanya serba terburu-buru. Setelah sisa dua murid perempuan di kelas, salah satunya ngasih tahu gw kalo dia kehilangan pensilnya dengan bahasa inggris yang amat terbata-bata, terus gw bilang kalo gw gak tahu dimana pensilnya, jadi sebagai gantinya gw kasih aja pensil gw sendiri. Yang aneh, saat gw bilang ke murid yang satunya untuk pulang, dia malah bilang saya nanti aja pulangnya.. Ternyata, gak lama setelah si anak yang pensilnya hilang ini keluar kelas, tiba-tiba si anak ini langsung dengan terburu-buru memasukkan satu pensil merah jambu ke dalem tasnya, padahal saat itu neneknya ada di depannya. 

Sepertinya si oma tahu kalo itu bukan pensil si cucu, jadi dia tanya, "Is this your pencil or your friend's?" Dari nada suaranya, gw tahu oma itu marah, kalo memakai feeling gw sih, sepertinya cucunya itu udah ngambil barang milik temennya sendiri tanpa ijin. Nah, setelah gw kembali ke ruang guru, gw tanya kolega gw tentang record si anak ini. Katanya memang si anak perempuan itu sering berbuat seperti tadi siang, setiap kali dia lihat sesuatu yang dia suka, biasanya langsung diambil dan dimasukkan ke tas-nya.

Duh, kok ada ya anak orangtua yang sukses dan mempunyai uang banyak kayak gitu? Ini kan salah satu contoh kleptomania. Susah lho hilangnya.

Menurut Wikipedia, "Kleptomania (from Greek: κλέπτειν, kleptein, "to steal", and μανία, "mania") is an irresistible urge to steal items of trivial value. People with this disorder are compelled to steal things, generally, but not limited to, objects of little or no significant value, such as pens, paper clips, and tape. Some kleptomaniacs may not even be aware that they have committed the theft." Wikipedia

Bisa jadi si pelaku memang tak sadar saat 'mengambil' milik orang lain :'( Kasihan, masih kecil kok begitu..tapi bisa saja gw salah, bisa jadi ini juga bukan pertanda kleptomania, bisa saja dia memang suka dan kepingin punya sesuatu itu.

Oiya, semalem ada yang sempet bilang "Duuh cantiknya.. eh, kamu gendutan yah?"

Wuaaahh, panik deh jadinya, langsung ambil timbangan, ternyata bener naik beberapa kilogram. Pantes aja, baju-baju yang masih bisa dikenakan waktu sebelum hamil dulu udah gak muat lagii.. sesak, dadaku yang sudah mepet jadi semakin mepet lagi, gak sopan dong mengajar kalo gurunya kayak JuPe, hihihihi... dalam hati langsung berniat, okeh besok ga akan makan malam lagi. Pokoknya harus dieett, tapi entahlah nanti malam. Kalo ternyata menu makan malamnya terlihat menggoda, mana bisa gw menjauh, apalagi dengan keadaan perut lapar seperti ini, secara terakhir makan kan tadi siang di rumah. Weits, hampir lupa tadi temen kantor nraktir kita pizza karna dia baru menang taruhan, sayangnya gw makan dua potong pizza aja deh. Wong lezatnya makanan italia itu :)

Gimana juga kalo gw bisa masak apalagi buat kue yah. Sekarang aja, baru pinter buat puding coklat udah semakin membulat seperti ini. Bagaimana kalo gw jadi expert dalam pembuatan banana bread, bisa kacau diet kami berduaaa...tidakk..

Banana bread itu salah satu makanan paling enak dan mudah dan mengenyangkan. Untungnya gak banyak toko kue yang menyediakan, jadi gw ga sering-sering mampir, hehehe.

It's now time for me to rest then. I'll keep posting (unimportant) posts.. Enjoy the rest of your night!

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A piece of writing on a Saturday morning

Here I am, in bed. Awake, but still feeling kind of sleepy. Woke up an hour and a half ago, needed to help hubby pack his needs before leaving for Bandung for two days and one night. He left around thirty minutes ago. I am alone but not necessarily lonely. I am so used to being by myself; and I find it normal. Some people might think of me as not good at making friends; but I don't think that makes sense. I have friends, though not many, I have acquaintances; though these are the ones I don't really talk to much, still they are around me.

I can enjoy me being solitary for the next two days, as if I were single again, not married. I have planned on staying at home, haven't thought of anything else. I am thinking of taking a nap later in the afternoon, that will be super. Cant remember the last time I actually took a short nap. It must've been a long time ago :)

Two or three days ago, I had this feeling of depression. Me? Depressed? That sounds crazy I know. I dont look like someone who gets sad easily, I laugh quite a lot, and that sort of thing. But honestly, at that very moment I had the feeling of me not being enough. I felt like I was being compared. That's all that I can say. Probably it is just instincts of those wanting to protect me.

Tmelania

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UNIMPORTANT POST FOR THE DAY

Hey guys, it's already Friday night and I am so not ready for tomorrow. I have got plans I know, but I am still unsure about which one I am gonna put into reality. A friend is getting married tomorrow morning, but the thing is I also wanna go to Bandung with hubby. He's planned this for the last three weeks and I don't think I can just change my mind in only two days! He will be furious.

Guess I'm not gonna make it to the wedding ceremony, too bad but what can I do. Well at least I still get to meet my friend two weeks after, and say I am sorry for not being able to attend :-) Hopefully she feels fine with me not coming.

By the way, I only taught two classes today, but I don't know why  I was so not in the mood of doing what I was supposed to be doing. I got extremely super lazy! I didn't talk much, I let the students do the talking. Probably it was also because I was starving, the last time I had a meal was at about this morning around nine, my own cooking: fried-rice. Quite yummy, hubby thought... I also have the urge of getting fried noodles for dinner, don't really care if it isn't good for me, once in a while will be okay.

I suddenly have images of my favorite coffee bread RotiBoy and also lots of frozen yoghurt, :-p

Don't blame me for having these thoughts, they just popped up.

Enough for now, I'll keep posting as soon as possible.

have a good weekend everybody, :-)

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Hadith: Balance in Life and Worship

In our youth, there's always an added sense of enthusiasm in whatever we do. So when a Muslim brother in his youth gives much time in learning the Deen and the ways of The Prophet (S) and the Sahaba (R), he becomes prepared to strive for the cause of Deen and go through any amount of hardship. The spirit of Islam drives away their sleep, they stay up each night in Salat, many fast regularly and keep themselves involved in Deeni works all day. Many young muslim brothers become so much enthusiastic that they lose all sorts of interest in worldly matters like studies, jobs, business, family affairs etc. But it's the Sunnah of The Beloved Prophet (S) to maintain a fine balance between all these things, not to abandon them totally. This can be clearly understood from a beautiful hadith from the Sahih Bukhari:

Anas ibn Malik Radiyallahu Anhu narrates that a group of three (men) came to the house of the wives of Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam asking about the worship of Allah by Nabi Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam. So when they were informed, it seemed less (than their expectation). They said: Where are we, compared to Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam when Allah has forgiven his past and future sins. So one of them said: As for me, I will offer Salat throughout the night forever, and another said: I will fast forever and I will not break my fast. And another said: I will forsake woman, never to marry. Then Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam came to them and said: Are you the ones who have said such and such? Behold. By Allah! Indeed I am the one who fears Allah most amongst you, and the most pious amongst you. Yet (is spite of that) I fast, and break fast, and offer Salat and I sleep (at night) and I marry women, so whoever turns away from my Sunnah is not from me! (Bukhari)

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Life; MIne

:: My first memory is …

Going to Gramedia with my dad when I was little because we used to do that every week

:: My childhood hero was …

Wonder Woman, because she’s powerful, not dominated by men, and pretty

:: In high school I was …

Huge??

:: Friends describe me as …

Sarcastic

:: Describe yourself in 3 words

Introvert, unpredictable, sensitive

:: I’d never …

Hang out wearing a non-sleeve shirt

:: The proudest moment of my life …

Being able to buy stuff with my own money

:: I laugh at …

Stupidity

:: And cry at …

Neglection & Loneliness

:: My happiest moment was …

Too many to mention

:: I always have with me …

Phone, wallet, lip balm

:: I look up to …

The Prophet, though I have never seen him

:: Fave food

Blueberry Rocky Milk from breadtalk bakery ;-)

:: Fave place …

Bedroom

:: A perfect weekend?

Watching a funny movie at home while pigging out

:: My greatest fear

Heights, caterpillars, leeches, snails, worms, snakes, anything that slithers, death

:: Fave song

A lot!

::My wish for the world

Peace

:: I still want to …

Be a bit slimmer

:: I’d like to have drinks and chat…

With The Prophet, Oprah, My dad

:: What’s unforgivable?

cheating, mutilating and murdering people,

:: The ugly side of being a teacher?

Having to pretend to be nice

:: Do u fear aging?

Not aging, but dying

:: I’m thankful for…

everyone around me

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BACK TO BLOGGING, FINALLY

Finally, gw bisa nulis lagi. Setelah berjuang mencari tahu alamat blog serta passwordnya, berhasil juga menulis satu postingan blog malem ini. Seminggu ini, jadwal ngajar gw ngga terlalu menyusahkan, cuma senin dan rabu lalu agak berat, mulai jam 10 pagi dan selesai 7.30 malam, tapi gpplah, toh gw nya sendiri masih kuat untuk berjalan kaki 10 menit pulang kerja sebelum akhirnya berhasil naik angkot, =p

Btw, tentang angkot tadi, sebulan ini, gw memilih untuk naik angkot aja, selain memang lebih irit, daripada harus minta adek gw anter kerja ya mending ngangkot aja deh. Sebenernya kalo bicara tentang adek gw yang bontot ini, agak menyebalkan juga. kepingin marah rasanya, but the thing is I cant tell you why. Terlalu rahasia soalnya, xixiixixix

How I miss the feeling after finishing the last sentence of a post. it is like I am talking directly to anyone reading my blog. I know, everybody does I am sure, that I am no blogger who writes only about one topic, for instance I don't blog on make up because i am not  a big fan of branded cosmetics, I don't also blog on fashion since I am fashion-blind, neither do I blog on food or recipes since i am not really good at both. So there you go, i blog because i feel like it. I think that is what matters.

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